I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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