I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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