Im at strip club and am horny
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
