i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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