kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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