the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
