marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
