so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
