so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
