We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
pray to the hookup gods
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
