Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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