There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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