He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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