I wish i was in the wii world.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
