i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
