a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
