Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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