they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
