I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
