Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize
