So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
