True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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