Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
