Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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