Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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