Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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