I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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