he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
