So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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