im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
