I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
