your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
