Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
