I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
