You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
