My hair reeks of homosexuality.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
is that a dick in a sweater?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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