in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
