Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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