She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
