the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
