I hate all girls vehemently.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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