dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
