today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Less talking, more tequila
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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