lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
