LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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