My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
