I think I won the penis lottery.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
