He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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