As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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