i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
this hospital has no fireball
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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