Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
