Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
