Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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