Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
