Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
