y did u give ur computer a hand job?
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
