You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
