you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
