Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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