we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
