He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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