i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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