Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
