dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
It's rum buckets o'clock
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
