I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize