It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
