Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
