Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
