I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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