U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
