The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Alive.
So much puke
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
