The maid of honor just puked.
You can't motorboat a personality
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You ate ashes out of my bong
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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