i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
