I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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