did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize