I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
