So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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