I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
