All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
