WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
