so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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