It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
