Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
