You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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