i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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