I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
