Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
