I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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