i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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