yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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