went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
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