It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
