Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
