I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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