Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
