you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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