cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
