At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
