I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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